Endings aren’t easy and lucky are those who eventually found closures. As we move along with life, it becomes inevitable that we must close certain chapters in order to give space to something more important. It’s hard but eventually, you’ll grow with it, with not having “them” anymore. Later on, we’ll just realize that it’s good to have a definitive end to mourn, I mean something that you’ve established with someone else that you can truly put a concrete label on. Friendships? Relationships? Oh well, L I F E.
But let’s not talk about those, instead, let’s talk about ending “something” that we don’t even know what to call in the first place which I know you’ll agree, is far more damaging. For the loss of the right terms to use, let’s call them “almost relationships”. Ring a bell? =) Those endings suck more because most, if not all of the time, they just float away, still covered with layers of what-ifs, leaving us feeling incomplete. I’m talking about your on-and-off friendships/relationships with someone that you could never really categorize. That connection with someone you used to text every day, you used to date and flirt with, that someone you wanted so badly to ask…”What are we?” When things are okay, you have no choice but go with the flow because you’re afraid to ask the “what are we” question. Maybe because asking it feels like a way of putting a risk and the stakes of whatever you have on the other person instead of owning up your own feelings. But maybe you’re just so scared to know the answer. (Shrug) Sometimes, those “almost relationships” don’t completely vanish but were just left at a standstill only because neither of you is willing to say “I need you” first.
♪ Try to deny it as much as you want
But in time our feelings will show
‘Cause sooner or later
We’ll wonder why we gave up
The truth is everyone knows
Almost, almost is never enough ♫
Almost Is Never Enough by Ariana Grande ft. Nathan Sykes
What if it’s only a casual hook-up for him/her and you’re already imagining your happy-ever-after? You two have the type of “almost relationship” that is hard to comprehend but somehow deep inside you’re happy and it was fun while it lasted, it’s just that when things start to fall apart, it hurts the worst. You can’t help but think if it’s right to get jealous or angry or mad at him/her coz you’re not even official to begin with. And then you’ll say to yourself, “I can’t truly be sad because we weren’t really “together”, right?”. After going separate ways, people would start asking questions and all you can say is “oh that person, yea we had a thing and then we stopped talking and stopped having a thing, so yea”. Sucks, right? Assuming we’re on the same page with someone, only to watch that person disappear into thin air, leave the door swinging and us staring, dumbfounded, confused… I bet afterwards, you’d rather choose rejection. Rejection gives you a ticket to move on with life but “almost relationships”? They leave you with a lot of unanswered questions, what-ifs and eventually regrets. Regrets on the things you should have or shouldn’t have done or said just to keep whatever it was that you have had. Worst is later on, you see them “in a relationship” with someone else, the “boyfriend/girlfriend romantic” type of “relationship”. It might sound stupid but you can’t help and compare yourself to that new person. Why her/him? What’s with him/her that you don’t have? At the end of the day, while staring at the ceiling before going to bed, you’ll start assessing yourself and then you’ll ask, “Why does he/she get to taste the main course but I only get a sliver?”(Sigh…)
While reading this, I know you have someone in mind and I’m pretty sure it can be quite difficult but it’s all up to you to give up already or just keep chasing pavements. 😉
Now, I’ll leave you with a question from a friend…
“Which lost potentially disfigures a soul more, one that’s real or imaginary?”
Thank you for reading,